The Jewish Divorce Project Podcast

The Jewish Divorce Project- Episode 11: Showing gratitude to your ex and divorce.

We can’t believe we got to 11 episodes… and we’re son thankful for your support! In this week’s episode Sheva and Noam take a difficult question: Is it possible to show gratitude to your ex and to divorce in general? How can one possibly do that? Join us for a tough conversation about what it means to offer thanks when you might have every reason not to. And check out the pics that accompany this gratitude-focused episode.

The Jewish values you might find helpful for this episode are:

Hitbodedut (Hit-bo-de-dut) - This is the Jewish idea of deep inward reflection. It's an opportunity to go inward and think critically about things in our own lives. Perhaps even converse with God to find an answer.

T'shuvah (Te-shoe-vah) - Not just for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, this mechanism allows us to take accountability for our lives and make right what we have done wrong.

The Jewish Divorce Project-Episode 10 - Birthdays.....Hooray?

This one gets a little real when we talk about our birthdays; what it's like to have a birthday when divorced; and how to navigate your kids' birthdays in divorce. Listen closely to the conversation and you'll also discover the correct way to eat a cupcake.

The Jewish Divorce Project- Episode9: Navigating Politics whiled Divorced

No candidate endorsements given!

A divided marriage and a divided country... pretty much the same thing! Instead of heading to polls (because we voted early!), Sheva and Noam talk about the complexities of divorce life during a political season. And this season offers us all different things to learn.

How you engage with your ex during such a heated time can have a lasting impact on your kids. And how you speak of politics in your home, without your ex around, can also leave implications for your children to figure out on their own. Do you really want that?

Ultimately, engaging with a different value system than your own can be a scary thing. But if you can find a way to trust your ex and their parenting, you might also find some peace.

The Jewish Divorce Project - Episode 8: Finding Community During and After Divorce

Sheva and I take the bull by the horns and ask serious questions about finding the support we all need and deserve during divorce. Are there meal-trains for going through divorce? 

Also, how have Jewish communities of any kind responded to divorce? Do Jewish communities seriously consider the single-parent experience? What types of bridges could our Jewish professionals build in order to connect those in divorce with the community in the right way?

Divorcing and living through divorce can be very isolating in a number of ways. The quarantine for the pandemic seems to have inflated that pain even more. If you're going through a divorce, reach out to someone. Share your story with them and don't feel shame. You can share your stories with us at TheJewishDivorceProject@gmail.com 

 

 

The Jewish Divorce Project - Episode 7: Divorce and Dating - Will you be my first pancake?

This week Sheva and I wanted to keep things light, so we tackled the topic of: "Dating and being Divorced." This episode is a little longer than the average, but it's worth it! Are you ready for the dating scene? How do you know? How different is it for you now as compared to when you last dated? Do you have any deal-breakers?

We even us this specific episode to share a big secret about how this whole podcast got started!

Please, share your divorced-dating stories of success and failure, as well as lessoned learned, and wisdom gleaned. Send your submissions to TheJewishDivorceProject@Gmail.com

All submissions will be kept 100% confidential. 

 

The Jewish Divorce Project - Episode 6: "Eww! You're divorced!?" - Stigmas from Within and Without.

Probably one of the better episodes we've recorded. This time we discuss where these feelings of "otherness" come from. Do the stigmas we feel in divorce come from our own beliefs about marriage and judgements about divorce? Or is there something real in the way the community responds to divorce that makes those going through it feel at a distance?

Divorce is isolating as it is. And sometimes that's wanted as a way to cope with the transition. But if one doesn't want a divorce that transition can be scary because of the loneliness. Consider then that stigmas can make those going through divorce even more isolated. Now they are not only divorced, but ugly in some way.

Jewish professionals would do well to consider what type of training they have working with divorce in family life, and how their communities respond to divorce spiritually and programmatically. 

What would our communities be like if we provided space to mourn or celebrate divorce? How can Jewish professionals proactively respond to divorce in their communities that prevent marginalization and shame?

The Jewish Divorce Project - Episode 5: Should I Divorce?

In this week's episode we discuss the potential advantages and disadvantages with of divorcing; and perhaps why more marriages today end in divorce as compared to previous generations. 

 

At the beginning of the episode we briefly discuss the origins of divorce in the Jewish tradition. Link to text found here: Deuteronomy 24:1

 

Here is a link to research regarding the relationship habits of the emerging adulthood/millennial generation.

 

The Jewish Divorce Project - Episode 4: The Hardest F-word, Forgiveness

For our fourth episode, which falls between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we discuss forgiveness. Not only as a tool for mending relationship, forgiveness can aid us in seeking understanding and obtaining peace of mind. 

 

Some good poetry to prep you for Yom Kippur

How Divine is Forgiveness - Marge Piercy

 

Our in-house statisticians have determine that 90% of parenting is about forgiveness, while the rest is for feeding your kids ;) Consider Yom Kippur your opportunity to develop a regular practice of forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness doesn't have to be a grand gesture. One is just supposed to let go. I We know it sounds so simple. But forgiveness is the art of not being angry about it anymore. It's about kicking out that memory or feeling that's living rent free in your head or soul.  It may help to start forgiving yourself for whatever mistakes your make. Then, when you notice those same mistakes in others, offer forgiveness to them as well. 

 

Please feel free to share your stories of forgiveness with us here at TheJewishDivorceProject@gmail.com.  Don't worry, we won't share them with anyone, or on the podcast. Unless you want us to.  Remember, you're sending these stories to a therapist and a rabbi- that's the like the Fort Knox of confidentiality!)

 

Is Forgiveness Necessary (An article that outlines different forms of forgiveness in the Jewish Tradition)

 

The Jewish Divorce Project - Episode 3: Is divorce a failure?

In this week's episode Sheva and Noam go head to head regarding the question of, "Is divorce a failure?" In this episode we discuss the possible ways to view divorce in the present and future moments of your life. Within that we discover how feelings and judgements such as shame might come into play.

 

For clarification purposes here are the definitions of shame and ashamed from grammarist.com 

Shame is the feeling of humiliation one gets when realizing one’s behavior is degrading, disgraceful, boorish, embarrassing or wrong in some fashion. Shame may also refer to a loss of esteem, a regrettable situation, or the person, action or situation that brings loss of esteem.  Shame is used as a noun or a verb, related words are shames, shamed, shaming.

Ashamed is being humiliated or guilty because one’s behavior has been degrading, disgraceful, boorish, embarrassing or wrong in some fashion. Ashamed is an adjective. Both shame and ashamed refer to the same idea of guilt or humiliation because of sub-standard behavior, shame is a noun or sometimes a verb, ashamed is an adjective.

 

Here is also a good article about emotions: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201601/what-are-basic-emotions

 

Jewish Divorce Project - Episode #2 - Introductions Part 2

In this episode Sheva turns the tables and puts Noam in the hot-seat. We were also joined by an unexpected guest, Elijah, Noam's 6 year old son.